Stupid-Ass Hipster Bashes the Jabbawockeez and Lil Wayne

Posted on June 5, 2009 by


I was searching for Picabo Street commercials to post on one of my other sites and happened upon a February Slate Article talking about Gatorade’s re-branding effort.

G for Gatorade.

I had just been thinking about Gatorade, and it’s rebranding efforts. Especially since they were selling the 32 oz bottles for 69 cents at the Super King!

Can’t help but enjoy their initial batch of commercials, mostly because the Jabbawockeez are in it, which one stupid fucking hipster absolutely hated. I can’t believe Slate actually signed off on this as an article of their own.

These Gatorade commercials are one of the few times that the Jabbawockeez, a few Asian kids, get some exposure to a national audience.  Isn’t is good that the faceless, mimetic entity finishes off the commercial?

For no reason at all other than to be ironic and funny, this hipster from Slate sneaks in some snide remarks about diversity, who should or shouldn’t be in the Gatorade commercial, and how the Jabbawockeez have too much time on their hands.

Yet the diversity of the cast is also confusing. Who’s that cocky little kid who shows up after Muhammad Ali? And for the love of god, who are those homicidal maniacs doing that freaky dance routine?

They are, respectively, Chaz Ortiz, a 14-year-old skateboarding phenom, and the Jabbawockeez, a hip-hop dance crew that favors Jason-style hockey masks. No knock on skateboarding or hip-hop dance, but do these guys belong in the same commercial as Bill Russell?

Then he focuses his irony-stained Mac keyboard on Lil Wayne:

just because Wayne is a sports fan doesn’t mean you want Wayne in your sports drink commercial. (He’s also an avowed abuser of promethazine, but you don’t see him showing up in ads for Nyquil.) Recall that back in 2002, Pepsi, which owns Gatorade, unceremoniously dropped the rapper Ludacris as a spokesman after Bill O’Reilly made a fuss about his bawdy lyrics. The Lil Wayne songbook makes Luda’s seem quaint by comparison. Wayne once recorded an extended apostrophe to the female sex organ in which he compared his love of cunnilingus to Cookie Monster’s love of cookies.

As if there’s some kind of standard to being in a commercial.  It’s a commercial, not some moral crusade for the absolute best representation of all things sports.  There are stratigraphic layers of commercials like the Saved by Zero Toyota commercial

There’s no point at all to bringing up Lil Wayne’s personal life or his lyrics cause he’s not like he’s saying them in this commercial.

I wonder, would this guy have any problem with the commercial if the Rolling Steh-yones or the aforementioned Fixx were on it?  Would that diversity still be “confusing?”

Diversity is what it is, though Gatorade does seem to have a bias and preference for accomplished people.  Some  are simply more known than others, but nonetheless accomplished.   “Accomplished”, a concept that Mr. John Swansburg is not really accustomed to or familiar with.

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